Is there a middle ground between obsessed and detached?

What do you do when you see someone destroying their life and they know it, but won't do anything about it? I understand that you can't make someone do something they aren't ready for, that's not the issue. The issue is how do you, as someone who loves this individual, allow it not to affect your mental health?
I am so tied into the lives of my loved ones and I don't know how to disentangle myself without completely shutting them out. I listen. I provide guidance. And then when it's ignored and they go back to the same exact thing they swore they wouldn't, I break down. And I worry. Forever.

I want to get to that point where I can just listen and not comment, and then when their rant is over I go back to my life knowing that nothing will change and I'm OK with that. I know people who can do this. Probably my therapist is one of them. But I don't know how not to worry about people once the conversation is over.

And if I do get this down some day, honestly, I worry that I will become unfeeling and dismissive. How do you listen to the same story over and over, knowing the result is always the same, and not let feelings of disgust or disappointment ooze out? I think the only way to do that is to be detached, and I just don't know that I want to be that person.

I Survived!

It was late in the day as I was leaving my first therapy appointment, and the counselor noted that she had to unlock the door to let me out. It was then that I knew I must not have scared her too much, because she was letting me leave.

All in all it went well. I was proud of myself for getting through the first visit with only a few moments of tears -- this is saying a lot considering I'm one of those that cries at pretty much EVERYTHING! I was stronger than I had thought I would be and more importantly, honest with my emotions when I needed to be. Sometimes crying is a nice release and I definitely wanted to release some of the stuff that's been plaguing me for a long, long time.

I think blogging in between visits is going to help. When you're in the moment, you don't always see everything as clearly as when you walk away and think about it. She told me that it was going to take awhile (my recovery), but that I would get through this. Convincing myself of this is going to be key to making that happen. Baby steps. . .