You know those commercials for Zymbalta, Zoloft and the like? The ones where someone is just sitting in a room alone, sobbing uncontrollably, and doesn't know why? Or can't get out of bed even though physically they're fine, but placing a foot on the floor is too daunting a task? Well, I've been feeling that way very recently. I get little waves of depression where I'm just "bummed" for lack of a better word, and I really have no idea where it came from. Sure there are things going on in my life that warrant depression, but at the specific moment that the waves come, I'm not thinking about those things, so I have no idea where it's coming from. And worse yet, I have such a hard time coming out of it. My husband or family will pick up on the immediate change in mood and ask things like, "why are you crabby?" or "what's wrong with you?" and that certainly doesn't help. In fact, it puts me on the defensive and then I get angrier or sadder.
Last night my husband asked what was wrong with me and I just said, "I don't know". And maybe it was hearing the frustration in my voice, and knowing that I truly
didn't know, so he just let me be and quietly sat until I was able to come-to again.
I hate these rapid mood swings and wish I knew when they were coming so I could try to put the kabosh on them, but I think this must be what a lot of people go through. I hope beyond hope that this is not something that is going to continue to gain frequency and that there's just some subconcious stressors that are rearing their ugly heads at once.
I don't want to be depressed. I can't imagine anyone does.
