AAAAAAAACHOO!

Nice family weekend getaway ending with a bad sunburn and a nasty cold. At least I got to have a vacation without being sick. It's usually the other way around -- I always get sick while I'm away. Now instead I brought my cooties back home with me to share with my fellow coworkers. They're more than thrilled I might add.

Sunburn + cold = no workouts for past few days : ( I will return, I tell you! This time I'm going to stick with it. And how do I know this? Because I actually miss it. Huh, go figure.

Cautiously optimistic

I know it's only been four days, but I have to say that since beginning the new diet/exercise thing I've been feeling good. Noticed a little more pep in my step, and more importantly I've been a bit less down in the dumps. Maybe there is something behind that exercise euphoria I've heard about. Either way, trying not to overdo it so I don't give in to the dark side but I'm having a little, dare I say, fun adding new activities to keep me going. And the diet part is really only being more aware of what I'm eating and skipping on the extras more often. I'm not going crazy people. Well, technically I should say I'm not getting any crazier. At least for now. Feeling a bit like one of my fave characters, Bob, in What About Bob? "I feel good. I feel great. I feel wonderful."

Die-et and Exorcise

Yep that's how I feel about those loathesome words. I think there's a reason they are so similar to both physical and spiritual death. But since I'm soooo miserable with the blob I've become, I know there's nothing else but to battle those demons and start a new plan of action.

Oh, and when I say start, I really mean it. I'm a beginner at best. If there's a level below novice, that's me. I. Don't. Do. Shit. Really. May be the depression. May be lazyness. Who knows? But I know I have to do something because the pounds they are a-piling and my metabolism is on hiatus.

So I started a treadmill plan today. Walking that gradually turns into jogging. Goal of every weekday morning, getting my arse up and on that god-forsaken machine. Trying a half hour M-F to start. Biggest bummer is that everyone I talk to says I won't see any difference if I don't change my diet, too. I don't feel like I'm a total wreck in that department, but I do enjoy food. I really do. Not overeater level, but I don't like to miss a meal. There's so many wonderful flavors out there, how can I not? So in that department I'm going to cut out some "extras", even though I don't feel like there are a ton of options there, but I'll try.

I gotta tell you though, if I don't see some serious results within a month's time, I'm going to be pissed. And a depressed pissed person is not a good combo. Oh, and a depressed-pissed-HUNGRY person should be feared.

Mind games

I used to swear by my memory. I could (and still can to some degree) remember the most trival stuff. Phone numbers I haven't dialed in more than 20 years, birthdays of friends long, long forgotten, trivial facts about celebrities that I've long traded in for new arrivals. . .it was really great to have that much faith in something.

Recently (last few years) I've started worrying about the loss of this great ability. I find myself searching for the most basic of terms, especially when I'm talking to someone about something. Example: asking my husband to use the microwave, and I can't even think of the word "microwave". I know what it is, but the word escapes me. Instead I describe what a microwave is, you know, that thing that you put the food in and it cooks it real fast and has a timer. . .ridiculous, i know, but sometimes that's the drill. Like an unending game of Password.

Other times I find that I'm able only to figure out a term or a song title or whathaveyou by going through the alphabet until I come across the letter that starts the word. I feel like that at least challenges me a bit to really think hard on it, but it's funny that so many times when I get to the letter that the name starts with, it's like a lightbulb immediately turns on and I can "see" the name in front of me. Or at least start putting it together and eventually get there.

Never hear anyone else talk about these types of memory losses. Wonder if I'm the only one that plays the alphabet game. Can't imagine I'm alone in all of this, but it doesn't help that when these mind hiccups happen, I start to fret a little that my family history of Alzheimers and dementia could be rearing its ugly head already.

I'm only in my mid-30s, so I know it's too soon. But could this be my warning to get my head in shape so I'm able to handle things better when I'm twice my age? If so, I'm taking notice. I just don't know if I should be doing other things to delay the progress.

Movie misery

How can I wonder why I've been so bummed lately, when a recent review of my past movie rentals consisted of the following:

The Messenger
The Road
The Notebook
The Reader


Either I need to stop watching movies that begin with "The" or Netflix needs to put a cap on the amount of depressing flicks you can rent in one month. Seriously. Anyone seen a good comedy lately? I need recommendations. And if not for me, then for the sanity of my poor innocent (and non-mental) husband who is about to take my movie privileges away.

On my tippy toes

Been a rough week my dear Bloggy. Having a harder time getting up and going to work. Finding myself feeling trapped instead of grateful, which by the way, I'm very grateful. I know I'm fortunate to have a job in these tough times but when you feel like you HAVE to have the job instead of being excited to go to work, it's tough. I have a really good job - why can't I just be happy with that? The downside is that I travel so far to get to/from it and I fell like I'm missing a lot of life in between.

Also another fight with a sibling that just seems to make me want to move away from everyone. I have a large family and used to be the one that fought to get everyone together all the time but now I find that I don't care as much if I see everyone or not. I love my family. And I mean LOVE them, but am really struggling with liking them lately. Especially one member in particular. Big age difference - little understanding. On both parts.

I've been really proud of my growth lately, especially emotionally, and yet this post shows me that I'm shrinking. But not all the way down, just losing a little footing.

I was going to delete this post because I know it's just something I'm going through right now and it will pass but I'm trying to be really honest and truthful here, so I'm going to use it as a tool. I will learn from this whiny moment and move on. Onward and upward.

Money, money, money, mon-ey. . .

The root of all evil. Definitely coined for a reason. Why is it that something so necessary makes us all so crazy? Not that I think having a lot of green would fix all my problems, but it sure would help a few. Having a hard time my dear Bloggy. . .oh, mind if I call you that? I feel like we've reached that level. Anywho, I'm struggling because I have a job that pays me really well for little work, but my hubby has a job that he works really hard at, but rarely gets paid. Sigh. It's more and more stressful on our marriage every day. And I'm really having trouble believing it's going to get magically better any time soon. See, dear Bloggy, he is a considered an independent contractor, but works for only one organization, so it's like having a boss but without all the benefits of a regular-type job. And while you'd think it would be payment upon completion of work, that's not the case. Because he works for a sorta-friend, said sorta-friend thinks it's ok to lead him around until he collects the money from the client. Um, no. That's not how it's supposed to work. But alas, as the options have been extremely limited (read: non-existent) for available work elsewhere, it's been what we've had to deal with. For now.

But I've had it up to here (and beyond) so I've put my foot down and demanded change. Well, as much as I can demand, I can't really control other people. If I could that would be cool, but major responsibility and I already have enough on my plate. I'm tired of living day-to-day (money-wise) when I'm bringing home enough bacon for an extended-family brunch! Every payday I just watch it disappear and wonder if I'm going to have enough for anything extra. And by extra, I mean a good grocery trip. You know, the ones where you get fresh fruit and veggies and cheese and deli meat. Not the kind where you run in and out with a bag of Buddig and some canned corn.

Dear Bloggy, this is causing me extreme stress, and I'm falling into a sea of depression. Alas, at least you are still free to me. At least for now.